Wife Caught in Bed With Man-Friend

A middle aged housewife in Jos, the Plateau State capital is in trouble after she was caught in her matrimonial bed with another man by her husband.

The woman simply identified as Gloria was caught with a neighbour, a father of three who lives some houses away from the couple when the husband returned unexpectedly at their Rukuba Road residence.

The husband (names withheld) who sells
clothes at the Old Bukuru Park was said to have barely left home for his business when his wife invited her man-friend, identified simply as George to come around as she was sick.

According to a neighbour who was with her when she made the call and begged to be anonymous, Gloria told the man friend to buy a pack of Don-Simon and a plate of pepper soup when coming.
The neighbour said: “She earlier complained of being ill. I heard her when we were sitting in front of the house telling the person on phone to bring a plate of pepper soup and a drink for her, although I never knew it was her man-friend. “When he came they went out to the woman who sells pepper soup and bought the whole pot. She told me to help her take care of the kids because she had a visitor.”

Probably acting on a tip off, the husband
returned home earlier than expected and caught her and her lover red handed. According to the husband, “I built a shop for her to sell provisions, so I went to the market to buy protectors to be fixed in the shop. I just came back to realize that the kids were outside and the door locked.

“When I knocked she refused to open the door. Some neighbours who saw her and the man told me she was in with somebody, so I raised alarm.
“Instead of her to open the door, she opened the ceiling for him to enter and hide. Fortunately, with time a lot of people gathered and an elderly man from my village, who saw what the incident would have resulted to called the police. She opened the door when the police came to the house, and the man friend came down from the ceiling wearing boxers. This marriage
has come to an end.”

The man and the woman were taken away by the police for ‘safe custody’ and were later released on bail.

Via Vanguard

Everyday for the thief, but one day for the house owner!

Kelly Handsome shared some Twitter wisdom with his fans. Here’s what he had to impart:
If a girl can love u without money, u should love her without sex. An empty pocket doesn’t deserve erection. No romance without finance.

Deep words.

Mourinho

Chelsea FC Letter to New Manager Mourinho

So Chelsea signed Mourinho as a manager for the second time. He had a very favourable first time with the club but in order for his second tenure as Chelsea boss to be successful, there are a couple of things that needs to be done by The Special One. This he must do if he wants to retain his job at Stamford Bridge at the end of the season. This is not just limited to the Champions League because Chelsea just won that last season. These are the list of things that the Special One needs to win inorder to be assured that he does not join the multitude of Chelsea managers that have bitten the dust from the owner. This is humorous.

  • Premier League
  • Champions League
  • FA Cup
  • League Cup
  • Super Cup
  • US Open Golf
  • Tour De France
  • British Grand Prix
  • Wimbledon
  • British Lions Tour
  • The Grand National
  • Chelsea letter to Mourinho

Signed Roman Abramovich

And Chelsea FC Fans

Mourinho

Also,

If everything in the list is achieved then you must defeat The Undertaker at Wrestlemania 30

Get Torres to score.

But then, this is more realistic than Liverpool winning any trophy. :D

Help Save Lifes, Prevent Abortion

A worried woman went to her gynecologist and said:

‘Doctor, I have a serious problem and desperately need

your help! My baby is not even 1 year old and I’m

pregnant again. I don’t want kids so close together.’

So the doctor said: ‘Ok and what do you want me to

do?’

She said: ‘I want you to end my pregnancy, and I’m

counting on your help with this.’

The doctor thought for a little, and after some silence

he said to the lady: ‘I think I have a better solution for

your problem. It’s less dangerous for you too.’

She smiled, thinking that the doctor was going to

accept her request.

Then he continued: ‘You see, in order for you not to

have to take care of 2 babies at the same time, let’s kill

the one in your arms. This way, you could rest some

before the other one is born. If we’re going to kill one of

them, it doesn’t matter which one it is. There would be

no risk for your body if you chose the one in your arms.’

The lady was horrified and said: ‘No doctor! How

terrible! It’s a crime to kill a child!’

‘I agree’, the doctor replied. ‘But you seemed to be OK

with it, so I thought maybe that was the best solution.’

The doctor smiled, realizing that he had made his

point.

He convinced the mom that there is no difference in

killing a child that’s already been born and one that’s

still in the womb. The crime is the same!

If you agree, please SHARE.

Together we can help save precious lives!

Love says, ‘I sacrifice myself for the good of the other

person.’ Abortion says, ‘I sacrifice the other person for

the good of myself.’

 

For The Ladies: How To Test Your Man

Dear Ladies!

If someone is not willing to put a

ring on your finger or marry you,

DON’T give them the benefits of

marriage.

If they think that you

are good enough to sleep with,

let them first make God smile by thinking that you are

good

enough to marry first.

Do not let

someone make you sin by making

you a mother when

they are not willing to make you

a wife.

Guys being the first cut won’t make her

stay with u forever and Girls

having his baby won’t make him

stay with you either.

If I can read a magazine for free, what

is the purpose of buying it? That’s why some

magazines

come with a seal, coz they know

that you will really appreciate its

value and pay the price first.

Its time to seal off your life, even if

you are no longer a virgin you can still bring back your

value and let someone pay off the price first

or else they will just read you

and dump you for another one.

This is one of the reason why

some people are not getting married. Its time to seal

off and show your true value,

Ladies if u want to test ur man, try the following

1:After dating for like 6months or so, ask him if he

knows ur birthday. If he does, he is attentive and

sensitive. Keep dating him

2:When he acts kiddish when u say no to sex until

maybe after 4 months he is a real man; he aint getting

it anywhere else but he can. So, dont use sex as a

weapon: give him the best sex ever he will never think

of any arsenal or football match again:

3:if he likes kids and sometimes buys some baby stuff

for no reason maybe for cousins or neighbors, he is a

serious family man dont let him go

4:if he wont put lock on his phone or comp so u can see

messages; he is proud and maybe very intelligently

playing u:: trust me he has a way of cleaning his phone

and barring the other gfs number when with u:

5:if he asks about ur family;if u ever told ur family

about him please lie and say yes: c how he behaves;if

he asks what did they say? Say they are modern u

know:: they just wants us to be happy so long as we

are in love::: the dude will be amazed

6: if he always wants to hang out with u especially in

public; trust me he knows u r beautiful and he’s

showing off; unfortunately the husband snatchers will

envy ur relationship and make ur life living hell: they

will try to seduce him to test u::: ignore them:take care

of ur man

7:if he likes cooking please dont let him go:: i don’t

mean boiling hot water and puttin coffee and

sugar ::lol! i mean like cooking fried liver with baked

beans with some fresh vegs and salads wow:::

8:if he likes watching soap with u and not busy

facebooking;he has a soft side:: he is real he respects

ur nonsense and opinion; keep dating him

9:if he never thinks of health and fitness issues;he is

there for a season only:: he cant see both of u past 10

yrs

10:if he never gets angry with u whenever u try to as in

u dont know how to make him angry even grabbing

remote when arsenal is about to score:: then he is gay

or very good player

11:if he is reading this, he likes gossiping marry him:he

will always keep u busy in the kitchen

12: if after work the first thing he asks is whats good in

news::: he fucking doesnt care about u more that his

32inch cheap tv screen from china:

13:if he is always on facebook or other social sites but

never even like ur status:: he is not grown up yet::: he

is nat proud of u

14:if he is always broke after 20th of every month, he

has no future. He just likes u when he has salary::

that’s a very unfortunate relationship run

15:if he constantly puts his mum first ;be carefull and

be clever. Make very goood friends with his mom ;he

will like u soo much

16:if after one shot, he is soo fast asleep and he doesn’t

gym or work in a gym or a mine consult Cheaters:::

17:if he takes u to his house and asks u to stay with

him whenever u can::: ignore pretend to have to

consult with urself and family coz where u come from

its not right:but dont waste too much time have the

other key:: dont ever let him know when u can come

there::: and finally if he is reading this shame on

him….xxxxx

 

My Fiance Wants Me Back After Beating Me Mercilessly (Ask MaryJane)

My Fiance Wants Me Back After Beating Me Mercilessly

Straight from the Heart……….Kindly Advice

I met my boyfriend 2yrs ago. I was 20years then while

he was 30yrs. He proposed to me last month. My

introduction is 27th of this month. Yesterday, I visited

my boyfriend, he asked me to eat his food and I refused

to eat because we had an argument and I was still

angry. (My boyfriend tells his friends everything that

happens between us. Whenever I tell him it isn’t right,

he defends himself by saying he wants to learn from

married men. Few days ago one of his married friend

called me and told me that he doesn’t want to hear

anything bad about me again. He advised me for over

30mins. It was really embarrassing especially because

the advice came from a married man that sleeps with

different women. I confronted my boyfriend and he

didn’t see a single thing wrong in what happened. I was

still angry because he didn’t want us to talk about it.

He never listens to me because I am far younger in age

and education wise. He lies to me a lot and sees

nothing wrong with it. Yesterday was the worst day of

my life, my boyfriend beat me up because I didn’t eat.

He hit my head on the ground, beat the hell out of me,

threatened me with a knife. I tried to fight back but he

was stronger. It came as a shock, my arm is swollen,

bruises all over my body. I can’t believe that a PhD

holder did this to me. I thought I would die. He kept on

hitting me with belt, blowing me with his fist, like an

animal. As if he wanted me to die, but I refused to die.

Even when I begged for mercy, he hit me harder. He

kept on saying that he would be beating me now

because I am very stubborn. I never knew how bad to

abuse a woman is, until yesterday. The pain from

someone that loves you. I had a close shave with death

yesterday. I left his house in pains yesterday trying to

hide my bruised face and body from people.

He called to beg today. He still wants the marriage to

hold.

Please I need your advice. Should I tell my family and

friends what happened and tell them we are no longer

getting married? Or should I just go on with the

marriage hoping he won’t repeat what he did again?

Whatever happens(marriage or not) I will deal with

him, I don’t think I can ever forgive him.

Thanks for your candid opinions

Xxxxx

Life Without A Girl Friend

1. You can stare at any Girl.

2. You don’t have to spend money on her.

3. You won’t get boring result in ur board papers.

4. No girlfriend, no emotional blackmailing.

5. If u don’t have a girlfriend, she can’t dump u.

6. Having a girlfriend is hot, not having a girlfriend is

automatically cool, and every one loves to be a cool

guy.

7. This can be more to life than just waiting for the

bloody phone to ring.

8. You won’t have to tolerate someone else defining,

“right” and ”wrong” for u.

9. Girlfriend can get so possessive that you can’t do

anything according ur wishes anymore.

10. You can buy gifts for mom, dad, sis or grandpa

instead of a girlfriend and have a happier family life.

11. You won’t have to waste paper writing love letters.

No more endless waiting for ur date to arrive at some

weird shop place.

12. You can have more friends, as u will have more

time for them.

13. You wont have to see boring love stories instead of

sports.

14. You wont have to tell lie to anybody and, therefore,

you’ll sin less.

15. You can have good night’s sleep-no need to dream

about her.

16. You wont have to fight over having a ‘special’ friend

with ur folks.

17. No non-stop nonsense.

18. You wont have drown in the pool of her tears.

19. No tension, You can be “yourself”

20. You won’t have to hide your telephone bills.

waffi pikin

Waffi Conversation

I CAN’T GET OVER THESE WAFFI BOYS… MY NEPHEW JUST CALLED TO INFORM ME OF HIS WEDDING.

KIEMUTE: MINGWO BROS

ME: VRENDO. MAVO? (How are you)

KIEMUTE: E DONE RED O!

ME: KIEMUTE, WETIN AGAIN?

KIEMUTE: ONE BABE DON GET ME DOWN!

ME: AS AS HOW NA? SHE SHOP WINCH? FOR THAT WE WARRI? NA ONLY SHE FIRST GET BELLE?

KIEMUTE: BROS EASY O. E NO REACH LIKE THAT

ME: WHY YOU CON DEY THREATEN ME?

KIEMUTE: NO VEX BROS, I NO KNOW SAY YOU GO PAR-ANNOYED… SO YOU STILL FIT DRAW RAIN?

ME: MSCHEEEWW! OYA TALK, I BUSY.

KIEMUTE: EHEN! BROS I WAN MARRY.

ME: WHO GREE MARRY YOU?

KIEMUTE: BROSSSSS. WHICH LEVO?!! I BE YOUR BLOOD O!

ME: NA YOU SABI. WHO SHE BE?

KIEMUTE: BROSS… BELIEVE O! THE BABE NA BUFFET…

ME: LEAVE STORY… WHO SHE BE?

KIEMUTE: NA BUFFET… NA YOUR SPECS I WAN MARRY. SHE SET DIE! SHE COME GATHER FRONT, BACK, IF YOU SEE SIDE BUMPERS (that’s hips for non waffarians), HER SHAPE BE LIKE AUCHI DOUBLE SEED GRA-NUT, THEN THE LIPS NA LIPOPO!, SHE YELLOW LIKE DSC OYINBO, HER YARNINGS NA FOREIGN, SHE TALL JOIN, HER FAMILY HOLD THEIR SIDE, HER FATHER GREE MY OWN, HER MAMA GO SOON FALL IN LINE, SHE EVEN BORN AGAIN FOR THE MATTER O, SO I NEVER BROWSE, BUT I KNOW SAY SHE NO GO DISAPPOINT, BECAUSE WHEN I HOLD AM KISS AM… SHE RESPOND. NA SMALL REMAIN, BUT I COME RESPECT MYSELF CON GENTLE….

ME: KIEMUTE!!

KIEMUTE: BROS NO VEX.. I DEY FEEEEEEL THE BABE DIEEEEE!

ME: YOU DON DIE FINISH. SO, WETIN COME RED FOR THE MATTER?

KIEMUTE: EHEN! NA WETIN MAKE ME CALL YOU SEF.

ME: I DEY HEAR

KIEMUTE: THE KPOMUSHELE SAY SHE NO FIT MARRY FOR MY 2 BEDROOM BUNK. SAY WE MUST LOCATE DUPLEX.

ME: EHEN! NA THAT YOU EMEBIREN BQ, YOU WAN SPREAD BUFFET? ABI NA MAMA PUT YOU WAN MARRY?

KIEMUTE: BROS, RENT FOR WARRI NO BE HERE O! ALL THESE WARRI LANDLORD CAARY CUTLASS DEY FIND MONEY FOR CAMPAIGN O! ALL OF THEM ONE ENTER POLITICS O! THE RENT HERE DON BUY EMIRATE TICKET O!

ME: SO?

KIEMUTE: EHEN! I CON CALCULATE SAY, THAT YOUR 5 BEDROOM BINK FOR BENDEL ESTATE, WEY YOU DEY HARDLY DEY STAY…

AND THE LINE CUT

waffi pikin

if you did this

Did You Do Any Of This In Your Childhood?

So it is Children’s Day today and we are remembering some funny and crazy things we all did as kids.

if you did this

If you did this, then your childhood was awesome

Some of the funny things we did then

I’d put my arms in my shirt and told 
peoples I lost my arms
•Would restart the video game whenever
I knew I was going to lose
• Had that one pen with four colors, and
tried to push all the buttons at once
• Waited behind a door to scare someone,
then leaving because they’re taking too 
long to come out. • Faked being asleep, so I could be carried 
to bed 
• Used to think that the moon followed 
our car
•Tried to balance the switch between On/
Off.
•Watching two drops of rain roll down
window and pretending it was a race
•The only thing i had to take care of was 
a school bag.
•Swallowed a fruit seed I was scared to
death that a tree was going to grow in my tummy 
• Closed the fridge extremely slowly to see when the lights when off.
*hide my manhood behind my legs to form d shape of vagina;
*I thought satan was black and had horns on d head…..
*When i was a child, after eating especially 
rice, i use my mouth to wash d plate.
*Used to scrape the surface of my desk in
school and inhale it as SNUFF.
When your tooth remove, you add seven stones + goat faeces to it & throw it on the roof & run inside before it falls.

close fridge slowly

I remember this, guilty as charged. :P

brick game

Did you play brick game as a kid

our father, adaobi thy name

Our Father, look at in heaven, Adaobi thy name!!! ;D

And may God continue to bless our mums for bearing our tantrums.

Happy Children's day

Happy Children’s Day!

Today is May 27th and is known as Children’s Day. Happy Children’s Day to all the little ones around the world.

Happy Children's day

 

Children’s Day is the day you get to listen to this on NTA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WBAoRf1O6m8

One day you all would grow up and become adults, just like Simbi, Ali, Obi and co. They too are all now grown up, so you too will one do so. Just don’t rush it!

1. Ali is no longer a boy because Simbi is now a woman.

2. Edet is no more living in Calabar as he is now in Abuja.

3. Agbo is presently working in Canada as he’s no more living in the town of Lagoon.

4. Eze no longer goes to school because he is now a Graduate.

5. In fact, the drummer boy is no more drumming as he’s presently a Business tycoon.